Everything feels like it's getting to be too much for me lately. It'll be my TOM in a week, I'm dying for sugar,I gained back so much weight already it seems like it will never come off again, and I don't know how to deal. I have to take care of my mom and handle everything for her regarding her surgery/health or it won't get done. I have to help my boyfriend with his homework, wake him up every morning, cook and clean up after him and I just feel like everything is falling to met. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of being the one that has to take care of everything and everyone. Simple tasks like making a phone call or getting ready on time seem too much for the people in my life. I'm just so tired.

A total of 16 pounds lost so far. Definitely not bad at all, but I seem to be fluctuating with my weight a lot. I think I'll go back on induction foods and stick with that until I'm much closer to goal.

On another note, my mom needs spinal surgery sometime in the next few weeks. I'm more than willing to pick up the slack for her once she gets it, in regards to housework and the like. I'm trying not to think about it much because it just scares me to death.

My mom is getting me a car to make it easier for me to take care of things when she's recuperating and I'm thrilled and scared all at once. I had a driving lesson today that went wonderfully. I had so much fun, it was such a freeing feeling and according to the instructor, I did really well. Thinking about driving, I get nervous, but once I'm actually doing it, it's exhilarating. I can't wait. I have my last session on Sunday, from 9 am to 1 pm. And on Monday, we're going used car shopping for me. I feel like a child waiting for Christmas though. I feel insensitive being so excited about something that has only come about because my mom isn't well. I am incredibly grateful for everything my mom has done and even with as excited as I am for the car, I'm even more hopeful that she'll recover and be okay.

Tonight was the season premiere of Desperate Housewives. I liked the episode, but I thought as a premiere it could have been better. I still can't stand Edie, Carlos needs to grow a backbone, Gabby needs to stop being so selfish, Bree needs to calm down with trying to be perfect and Mike needs a personality. He's always seemed so bland and wooden to me. So, laundry tomorrow, followed by a hot shower and possibly some reading. Thanks to the Boy, I have a few more books and a pedlar and thigh master on their way from Amazon.

I made it a full week without a single slip up! I am so proud of myself! And I did it without being famished! It may not seem like a huge accomplishment to "normal" eaters, but for me it is! I'm adapting fairly well to this. Can't wait. My energy level today is incredible. I'm tempted to wake up the Boy and see if he wants to go somewhere with me.

Does a half mile walk and twenty minutes of scrubbing an oven on no sleep count as exercise? I really hope so! My walk turned my hair into a curly, tangled, mop of frizz, I had sweat pouring down my face, and I had so much trouble breathing in the humidity, I sounded like a feminine Darth Vader. In addition to the walk, I enjoyed scrubbing grime out of an oven that probably hasn't been cleaned since before we moved in. Blech! Cleaning the stove made my hair even more of a mess, had sweat pouring down my entire body, made my thighs shake and burn from crouching and made it hard for me to breathe through the fumes, nausea and heat. I was planning on using the exercise ball today, but to be honest, I don't want to. I'm running on no sleep, no caffeine, and no food. And it's my TOM. I think I'll wait for the Boy to go to school, take a nice shower and then watch Dr. Phil, or take a nap.

Crisis averted, diet intact! :)

Tons of water, diet soda, smoked turkey, and Virginia ham saved me. Took me over an hour to calm down, but once I did, and Boy apologized for not calling me earlier, I stabilized a bit. My TOM arrived a few days early, which explains the headaches and wild mood swings I've been having. I'll be relatively normal again in a day or two. I'm heading to the grocery store today - got money early! - and I think I'm going to try a new recipe, perhaps one Boy can eat as well. He's lactose intolerant and can't stand vegetables, so I'll probably make a meat dish and my standard salad as a side. I have to go back to my school in a few weeks and see about going back next semester. I'm hoping that by then, I'll fit more comfortably in a desk. :)

I deleted this because it was unnecessarily harsh and unfair. I was upset, overwhelmed, and PMSing. I typed to vent, and it was very one sided.